Comfort of Trust
Read Jude 1:20-25
“Why haven’t I been praying about this?”
Christian was lying in pain in the ER, waiting for the doctor to come help him. I was there at the foot of the bed, watching him there, in the most intense pain I think I've ever seen, and that's when it hit me: “Why haven't I been praying about this?”
It had started not long before that moment. He had come home from having lunch with his grandparents, and had to lie down – hoping the pain would go away on its own. It didn't. It got worse, and then it got worse, and then it got even worse. Finally, I asked, “Should I take you to the hospital?” When he agreed to go, I knew something was seriously wrong – after all, what 21 year-old says “yes” to the emergency room?
We hustled downstairs, past Heidi (letting her know where we were going, of course), into the car, and quickly down the road to the ER. (I'm pretty sure Christian wouldn't describe it as quick, though.)
A few forms and questions and such later took us to the bedside, waiting for the doctor to come help, and there I was, asking myself, “Why haven't I been praying about this?” I'm sure a lot of it was because it happened quickly, and I just had to react and get things going – that's not so bad. I'm sure a lot of it was because I figured I had to be in control to take care of my kid – that's not bad either. I'm also sure a lot of it was because I just count on myself to be able to handle whatever comes my way – oops, that's not the way I want to think about things. That's the thought that caught me; “Why am I counting on myself, and not on God?”
Well, I don't think I needed to be quite that hard on myself, because I think there's yet another reason in there. I'm sure a lot of it was because I am so comfortable with the idea that God is taking care of us, that I don't really worry about things the way I “should” - even when they're serious. I think it's a good thing, being able to let God handle things for me. As the Keith Green song goes, “Just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed, and Jesus takes care of the rest.”
But there it was again: “and pray that it's blessed.” I've written devotions about developing a life of prayer. I've led retreats and lock-ins on prayer. I've resolved over and over to work on developing my prayer life. And there I was, wondering why I hadn't been praying.
It took me back to one of the early days of my marriage. Heidi and I were sitting in our “library” back at Bob (that's the house we lived in before Cleveland), and we realized that we were having a wonderful time together, just sitting there, not talking, just being together. I think that's what I had been doing with God – just sitting there together, not talking; and that's great, but I also would really like to cultivate a more “verbal” relationship as well. Once again, I know what I have to work on – I have to work on not working on so much myself, and talking to God about all of it, not just the overwhelming stuff.
Thank you, Lord, for those quiet moments together, but I thank You more that we can sit down and talk about whatever needs discussing. Let's do this more often. Amen.
Charlie van Becelaere
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