Sunday, March 21, 2021

The Contradiction of Grief

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the Earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. – Psalm 71:20-21

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.... Blessed are those who grieve, for they shall be consoled. – Matthew 5:4

This year I lost my Dad. I’ve found my personal experience of loss to be a huge contradiction between grief and gratitude.

The sadness has been, at times, overwhelming and all consuming. But throughout all of that, I’ve witnessed a miraculous display of hope, care, consideration, and support from my immediate family, yes, but also our church family, dear friends, and friends that I’ve fallen out of contact with, airline employees, and so many more.

At first, I found this juxtaposition of grief and kindness to be so confounding.

“No one tells you you’re going to see the absolute best of people when you’re going through the worst!”

I’ve felt seized by grief – but also love: True, goodness of humans, heart-of-gold, divine love.

In a way, 2020 has given me more blessings than I can count.

It’s a complicated and perhaps even controversial sentence I’ve written there, but for me, it’s true. I lost my beloved, kind, smart, supportive Dad. My work has severely diminished, and life is not the same, in the slightest. But like my experience with grief, this entire year has been a contradiction. It’s been hard, but it’s also been gloriously special. I’ve had more time to be at home and spend quality time with my Mom, something I’ve truly treasured. And the lack of noise (both literal and emotional) from the outside world has given me the opportunity to more fully connect with God, and ask that he use me as his instrument.

As far as I can understand it, I’ve witnessed a miracle this year. A miracle of combined kindness and humanity. I don’t know what’s to come, but after such a difficult and trying year I have the more faith than ever, and that’s a contradiction I welcome.

Prayer: God, give me strength to live with the confusion of life. Help me to see both the shards of light emerging from the darkness and be the light for those struggling within their own darkness.

Andrea Deck